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Knowledge Creates Power

Once I began to look at it objectively and not give it the power to understand it only experientially was when I began to feel empowered again. I had always had the knowledge, but I had never used the knowledge to scrutinize my experience and make better choices. To understand that how I am feeling is real, but also that my ability to be in control is real too. 

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The Trials of Trauma

I was always in such a rooted, permanent state of anxiety that eventually when the stress bottled up to be too much my fight or flight would kick in full force. I didn’t have bad days. I had explosive ones. I was scared to be happy and comfortable.

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I Got My Period & Cried For America

Millions of women across the globe marched for their rights as human beings. And in America, my neighbouring country, some cheeto-skinned lunatic in office wearing a bad hair-hat with such a small vocabulary he probably didn’t even understand what he was signing decided that he had the right to determine the outcome and safety of what I take for granted for every. Single. Fucking. Person.

In an entire country.

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“Just Relax”

The ultimate relaxation would be an apology. I would love to sit down and write out an hour long lecture to the people I’m frustrated with or who I feel don’t see my point of view and just really give it to them. Intellectually. Up the ass.

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Active Trust vs. Passive Trust

Innately, we trust people emotionally because of our instincts. The way they treat us, make us feel, open themselves up, etc. We can see distinctly the way in which we can trust people by the way they act – whether we’re consciously making these distinctions or not.

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Finding My Way Home

For me, home is predictable. Home is where things have a place, and I know where that place is. Home is being able to sit at a desk and write instead of cramped up on a bed, or being able to use all of the ingredients in my kitchen and not feel guilty for taking 2 days to clean the dishes. Home is where I can figure out my internal chaos without having the external contributing to it.

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Lost Songs – Teagan Johnston

I spent a lot of time leading up to our move to Toronto and during our first months here writing and recording songs alone at home with just me and my piano. It was a really interesting time of solitude for me in music and although I would never want to go back to that, a lot of good came from it.

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Fixing Fight or Flight

We’re all deserving of a break, especially from the expectations of our minds. You don’t need to fight or flight from taking a step back and a deep breath in.

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Welcome To Inside My Head Pt. 2 – Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Many of my friends would label me as a perfectionist. However, few of them realize that such a trait stems directly from my anxiety disorder. With a constant feeling of impending doom, I focus my remaining energy on trying to maintain control of my own life and the current surroundings. This causes me to attempt to control my day to day interactions to ensure I can predict the outcome. Through excessive self-criticism and planning every act down to a tee, I push away the never ending “what-if” scenarios that reside in my brain.

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PDA

This is when you start to hyperventilate. The shudders that rock your body as you try to steady your breathing come in shorter spurts. It feels like your body is being buried under 10 feet of sand and you have an oxygen tank that will only last ten minutes to dig yourself out. You grasp at your arms, a weak attempt at hugging yourself. Or pinching yourself. Something. Your fingers stiffen, and your goose bump covered body is sweating profusely but you don’t feel anything. You can’t think anymore.

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