It is in these places I learned of the urgency to know oneself, yet so little we think with any promptness of the notion of creating oneself. What more intimate knowledge of something can there be had, than the knowledge the creator has of its creation?
These are the kinds of questions that roam my mind when I am encased by walls of greenery that oxygenate my mind quickly. How going underwater immediately reminds us that this is a place we are not equipped to breathe, on the trail my body knows this is the perfect place to breath deeply and well.
And this influx of oxygen seems to push away the hovering walls of disillusion. Like I can see the green screen where everything that is projected exists wholly and uselessly in the woods. Like it is it’s own undoing. Like the forest takes pleasure in unmasking itself sooner than seasonally.
Since so much of me is this foliage, I too, experience an unmasking of sorts as my walls that support my ego decide on a different floor plan. “Needs more space!” is the declaration and just when I thought things were starting to settle my map seems to change again. There is no getting to know yourself, there is only creating yourself. Only the observance of that only constant; the reality of never-not-broken.
The water breaking on the rocks shows me that I can be the water, fluid. Or I can be the rocks, eroding.
Cool and commiserating.
Stagnant and stalwart.
These seem to be the only choices. The true only choice is acceptance. Not what of, just that it is inevitable. It is irreplaceable. Even to effectively not accept something – to have to lose your mind over it – is to accept without limits the entire truth. To construct a different person, a different reality out of this is the purest form of acceptance. Denial is the ultimate acceptance.
Yet, we need more than acceptance. We also need truth. The truth is, what we accept we do not necessarily have to know. And when we accept ourselves, we do not necessarily know ourselves. We have ideas of what we wish, what we want, what we perceive. But what of our knowledge for the creation of ourselves, for the our certainty of ourselves? First we must be paying attention. First we must learn to breathe. We must make the space to see things clearly, to be aware of the ultimate canvas we are privy to our entire lives yet never seem to focus on.
Written by Forest Greenwell