What I Learned Trying to Be Friends with 8 Girls at Once

Have you ever experienced that wonderful moment when your friends become friends? Or the even higher elation when groups of friends conglomerate?

Well, if you haven’t I hope you do because it is a fulfilling experience.

 This has happened to me several times over the course of my life, probably due to how much I moved thus how many new people I met. But there are some of you that, for the most part, have had the same friends your entire life. From JK to Middle School right through to  graduation – this is applaudable in its own way and takes a certain kind of dedication I don’t know as someone who has never had a friend since before I can remember.

But alas I have no qualms because during this time I have met an array of incredible (and also horrendous) human beings, who have in turn broadened the horizons on my own being.

 Recently I was so fortunate as to have what I like to call a Super Nova of friendship collisions. People from various places and roles in my life came together to form one beautiful, 8 personed group which we christened “Best Girls Ever!!!!” (the most accurate name we could think of that embodied all of us. Obviously.) Some of were sisters, others classmates, and some friends of friends. All of us are pretty weird, all of us coming with our own unique stories and lessons.

 Now, before I really dive into this I want to go over some points about friendship that I believe get over looked

 – it takes a REALLY long time to get to know someone

– it takes a REALLY long time for someone to get to know you

– there are a lot of things to learn about people

– it is extremely challenging to open up to someone

– being a good friend is not always “rewarding”

– it is rare to meet people that you can not only open up to, but can connect with after you both see what’s inside

– friendship is a constant thing, but it does not always have a constant presence

 That being said, this is what I learned trying to be friends with 8 Ladies. At once.

 1. No where, in any industry, can you learn the kind of patience you need to undertake this task. 

Everyone always has something to say – including you. Someone is going to be busy, someone is going to bail, someone is going to misunderstand, several will probably be late. It’s like 8 people trying to be moms who are also toddlers.

 2. If you thought you knew yourself, prepare to be surprised. 

Whether you’re hearing things you’ve never even thought about, or doing things you thought you wouldn’t do for anyone, there is always something to be learned, taught, or evolved.

 3. Nothing that anyone experiences or feels is fact

One day they will be ecstatic that they have a movie date with a boy and the next day considering cancellation. Then there was that night you cried in the bathroom stall at the bar, but all you remember is dancing on the table top and having a great time. If you thought your feelings and/or memories were contradictory – well you’re right and it just gets more confusing here on out with 8 perspectives.

 4. Boyfriends are overrated

Especially when you already have friends that make you dinner, rub your feet, treat you to brunch, surprise you with presents, pick up when you call at 3AM,  and of course just show up to Netflix and chill whenever sans the obligation of sex or even having to shave.

 5. Everyone thinks their vagina looks weird

Everyone. And there is no “normal” you will realize after scrolling through hundreds of labias on a Tumblr dedicated to vag appreciation and inspecting, for comparison, the folds of your friends.

 6. Listening is hard

Like… really hard. And responding is often even more of a challenge.

 7. We all need alone time

Real alone time. To shower and eat and sleep and talk to ourselves and have our own little patterns and idiosyncrasies. There is no one in this world who should spend 24/7 with other people, a lesson we all have to relearn every once in a while.

 8. You need about 4 hours notice to plan a potluck

Maybe even less.

 9. Love is a choice, not a feeling.

There will be days friendship is hard. There will be days when you don’t (or can’t) support other people, when you won’t be able to say the right thing or no one will have the right thing to be said. It will not always be willy-nilly camaraderie, sleepovers, and ignoring boys. There will be times of outbreak, things that are said that aren’t meant, and having to walk away from situations you wish you could help. It will not always feel good and easy, but for a true friend it will always be worth it.

 10. Friends are just human.

It is no one persons responsibility to take care of another being. No one has super powers, we cannot heal all or do all – we can just do our best. Not only are our friends just human, but so are we.

Edgar Allan Foe

mostly poet / witch / do-er of art and magic / caffeine fiend Leo Sun / Cancer Rising / Aquarius Moon

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