There is an idea in this generation that we, as individuals, are not whole. Having a niche, a soul-mate, being a piece of a puzzle is sought out. It’s desirable to want to look for another person, or other people to fit into because we do not completely understand ourselves and it is easy to find solace in the future promise that another will make sense of us.
Where I sometimes find this productive, as I myself often have outlandish ideas about the future – who I’m going to meet, where I’m going to go, what I’m going to do – that give me enough prospect to get to the future instead of drowning in the present, I also accept once I have made it past the bought of monotony and blandness that generally promotes these ideas that they are better for motivation than for direct pursuing.
There is a line that hasn’t been drawn between what the future looks like, and what you need it to look like. We all at some point dream about meeting a significant other, having a beautiful home, travelling and our dream jobs. These are healthy thoughts; it’s good to envision a future and to have goals whether or not they are realistic. But there is a culture surrounding the ideas for our future that says we need to “belong”.
Here’s the thing: we already do.
We need to eradicate the idea of “wholeness”. It’s subjective, but also harmful to believe that as one human with one life, you are not enough or not complete. The same goes for “fitting” in. Being a part of communities and circles is a part of life; having people you relate to that you can socialize with and grow from is detrimental to our well-being and to maximize on each of our different potentials. That being said, the only place you need to “fit” into, is yourself.
There are no physical confinements to the size and complexity of your being. Contain multitudes, contain empty space, be full, let yourself rattle around and swell up. You are a particle, not a puzzle piece. You are complete by yourself, and you also complete a bigger picture. You can exist as a whole with another whole without reducing yourself to be only a part of another being; without needing another being to be a part of you.
When we strive to fill a space in society instead of in ourselves the honesty and integrity in who we are becomes muddled and stretched out. There are truths in the world and in others that are not true to all individuals. Striving to find your own standards and way of being is more conducive to happiness and productivity than trying to fill a void that does not exist, or is too large. Accept that the hollowness you sometimes feel in your being is breathing space, not empty space – it has purpose – in fact necessary. All confusions, feelings of being lost, and not fitting in serve a purpose greater than what can be seen immediately.
It is OK to feel solitary in the world. You are. And it is the greatest freedom one can be granted. Let’s teach ourselves that being whole comes from inside, and that we do not need communities to belong but rather communities need us – as individuals – to exist. The only standard you need to maintain is the one you uphold for yourself, and the only person you need is the one you want to be.
You do not need to make sense. You do not need to explain yourself, your purpose, your dreams. You just need to be, and let be. Accept that you are all that makes you enough and that any more is not excess, but simply unnecessary. Understand that there is a universe in your mind and that there is nothing that exists anywhere that can fill all of space; but there is room to explore the vastness of yourself – and it is incredible.